What is Acorns?

Lake > Ocean. This is a controversial topic in my house. I am only brave enough to say it here, not at the dinner table.

Back in 2022, Christopher Walken voiced this Super Bowl Ad for Acorns with the catchphrase “Grow Your Oak.” I remember the ad vividly, but I didn’t actually look into the company until recently. Now that I have, I realize Acorns is everything I wish the Dollar Debrief could be, an approachable, accessible entry point to investing for everyone. This letter might read like I’m being paid by Acorns, but I assure you, I’m not… yet?

Acorns’s mission is “to look after the financial best interests of the up-and-coming, beginning with the empowering, proud step of micro-investing.” They do this through a flat-rate subscription that rounds up your purchases and automatically invests the spare change, plus a portion of your paycheck, into a portfolio of ETFs tailored to your goals.

If you opt for their Gold subscription ($12/month), Acorns will match 3% of your IRA contributions during your first year and 1% of your contributions to a child’s “Acorns Early” account. That’s pretty compelling. To break even on the 1% kid match, you’d need to invest $14,400 in a year, but even if you don’t, the motivation to fund that account consistently can easily make the $144 annual fee worth it in the long run, thanks to compounding growth.

Your investments are allocated based on a short questionnaire assessing your goals and risk tolerance. Acorns recommended a 100% stock portfolio for me—0% bonds. Not even Mike could argue with that blend.

Beyond investing, Acorns also offers checking and savings accounts, a debit card, fee-free ATMs, and a kid-focused experience (Gold tier perk). Their entry-level Bronze tier is just $3/month.

I love this app, this company, and the mission behind it. For a flat fee, Acorns helps anyone who thinks they can’t invest, invest. They turn your spare change into diversified ETF portfolios. It’s simple. It’s automated. It works.

Some company slogans just hit. Owala’s “Water bottles designed exclusively for people who drink water” made me buy one instantly. Schwab’s “Own your tomorrow” is tattoo-worthy. And Acorns’s “Grow Your Oak” belongs in that top tier—especially when it’s shouted by Christopher Walken through a stuffed squirrel puppet.

Again, I’m not paid by Acorns. But I will absolutely be opening an Acorns Early account the moment I have a reason (i.e., a child). If it’s good enough for Ashton Kutcher, Dwayne Johnson, and Kevin Durant… it’s good enough for Wilson Jr.

Debrief on Deck

Next week, we are going to dive into the 10-year U.S. Treasury yield, its connection to mortgage rates, and how you can bring this up at your next party.

As always, please reach out to us with any questions or comments you have. You can reply directly to this email or find us on Instagram.

Until then, stay the course.

Disclaimer